November came and went

The day before we left for Hawaii, I had an appointment to see my oncologist for the scan results of the cyst on one of my ovaries. Apparently, it is normal for some to have an enlarged cyst before a menstrual cycle. The cyst has since subsided and everything seem to appear normal now. Praise God! That was one less worry, for I had several on my mind.  I have never been on a 3-week holiday in my life. With no agenda nor purpose i.e. dropping in on friends enroute or participating in some form of sports event, I was not sure how I would cope mentally. The thought of sand between my toes made me cringe (those who know me well will know this is a fact). When I am on panic-mode, all sorts of scenarios came to mind - what if: 1) the "fasten seatbelt" sign is on when I need to use the toilet? 2) the inflight toilets are occupied and there is a long waiting line to use one? 3) Jack chooses to visit a remote beach where there are no (toilet & shower) facilities? On top of all that, my second wound was still sore - sneezing and coughing will still make my eyes water :(  In short, I lack self confidence.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I remember coming home from my appointment with my oncologist and making myself a cup of tea for myself. As I sat nursing my cup of tea, the words on my mug caught my attention. It read "Stay Calm and Carry On". Well, there you go! Life is too short to start worrying about what may be, or not. I have never wasted my time on worrying about things beyond my own control and I reckon I shouldn't start doing that now. It is realistic to be aware of one's own short-comings and I was determined not to let fear overcome me and spoil our long-postponed holiday. And on that very positive note, I threw a couple of t-shirts and some shorts into a bag and off we went on our transatlantic flight to Kona, Hawaii, that took a total of 32 flying hours (excluding waiting time for connecting flights) with FOUR transit stops. We made the best use of our time stuck at airport terminals to freshen up in those numerous and HUGE toilet areas, and set loose our "shopper-saurus" instincts as we stuck our noses in every shop that was open :)

And I can honestly say now that being in a totally different environment offers independence.  There are too many (good) distractions that make you forget own fragile condition, and no one to remind you of your situation. Back in Topsham, nearly everyone I bump into in town would ask about my condition and remind me to "take it easy". I am sure it is all out of concern from their good hearts. But I often feel I mustn't be too chirpy because I am aware of some families with a cancer-victim in their midst. My seemingly remarkable speed of recovery can cause polar reactions and unnecessary emotional stress :( I will write more about this later.