Easter bunny or chick?

The fluoroscope was the most unpleasant experience at the hospital thus far - not only was I not offered an intro to the procedure, I was left soaking in a puddle of sticky fluid :( ... but I did catch a glimpse of the x-ray vision of my colon on the computer screen. A normal colon usually forms a rectangle around the abdomen. Well, my colon now has a triangular formation :0 I guess I should be thankful that there weren’t any fluorescent sprays showing up around the stitched area!!!

Just under 24 hours to our meeting with the chemo specialist to work out my course schedule. I am as nervous as can be. Not looking forward to it but am glad the wait is over.

Last but not least, I am sure many of us will be taking time off during this Easter long weekend (only my husband thinks Easter is NEXT weekend!), and so I'll like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very happy and meaningful Easter. We'll have to do our Easter egg hunt indoors hee-hee I've got a lot of time to hide the eggs than Jack so I'm likely to win this time. We shall see :) ... Go easy on the chocolate Easter eggs!

The sun is out :)

Happiness is …

... sitting in the Saturday afternoon sun, watching the Exeter Chiefs beat London Welsh 32-6 :)

... having a permanent smile - imagine my belly-button is my nose, and my scar from the surgery happens to be positioned below it – just like a smile! :)

... being booed by my mates (of whom none are size 12 or below) for complaining about having to get a new wardrobe (to accommodate stoma) in SIZE 10

... having lovely sunshine and a clear blue sky when you know it's snowing up North :)

Introducing Buddy

Buddy was a gift from my mum-in-law to "substitute"  Branson; when he was unable to share my small hospital bed. As you can see from the first photo, Buddy has a wind-swept look about him - both his 3-inch long ears are often resting together on one side. Buddy is 10-inch tall in total from the tip of his toe to the tip of his ears. He is what you would call - "not a tall guy". Unlike Branson. At the hospital, I was always afraid of losing him to visiting children of my roommates. One morning, a very efficient nurse, while changing my bed sheets, accidentally flicked Buddy into the air.  Poor guy landed behind the headboard that was attached to the wall! I had a hard time retrieving him with a ruler borrowed from the Ward's reception desk! From then on, Buddy is secured to me and followed me everywhere (please see photo2). Why the name "Buddy"? He is my stoma buddy. Buddy's brown patch on his body is where my stoma is situated on mine :)

ok. Who ordered clouds this week?

5 weeks post surgery

Thank you all for your great encouragement of my pursuit of a "Blue Badge/Label". Upon checking on their website, one has to be assessed on your mobility on several occasions before such a coveted badge is awarded. Now, I know I'm walking at a pace slower than my oldest fellow bell ringer (approx. 86) but I'm not prepared to break a leg. But mind you, the badge would be most useful if Brian were to take me on a road trip around Europe because, apparently, the badge is good for all EU countries! Think again...

Guinness extra stout: Never underestimate the nutritional value of a pint of Guinness Stout - my rugby physio used to tell me.  But I do remember feeling a lot less sore the day after a game, if I had a pint post game. With the current very short list of things that I can eat, I'm willing to try anything! I toyed with the idea of evaporating the alcohol by putting the (opened) can in hot boiling water, but the thought of warm stout put me off :( So, I risk disaster (with stoma) and drank a small glass of the ultra dark-brown liquid that smells like toaster malts. Soon after, stoma hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiised in disapproval :( Never know, till you have tried ... Anyway, I thought you might be interested to know stoma's reaction to the various foods I eat:
carrots & spinach - splutter
peas - spit
canned peaches - gurgle
macaroons - hiiisss

TCM: It is interesting to know so many are curious about the outcome of taking TCM. Unlike western medicine, TCM works slowly and only after taking six doses, my second tongue snap shot to my brother-in-law had this response: "... Not sure if you felt more energetic after taking the concoction, but your general facial appearance looked very much better than the previous shot.  You appeared less listless with stronger circulation; general indications of improving GI or absorption that promote better blood flow.  This could also be due to your being able to sleep better. Not being able to see the back of your tongue, I cannot comment if there is any dampness in the body or otherwise." (to which I promptly emailed him a close up snap shot of my tongue)

Each dose of the prescription comes in 14 little sachets to be dissolved in warm water for consumption. All I can say is, it isn’t something one drinks with gusto and enthusiasm (like you would Guinness). If you have had experience taking TCM in Asia, whether you brew it yourself or have it prepared at the TCM shop, you'd remember you get a "reward' in the form of a lemony-preserve (some kind of preserved fruit/plum) to 'clean' your palate with each prescription. Well, unfortunately, that "reward" is lacking here right now :(

Whoever ordered this continuous drizzle ...???

Praise God from whom ALL Blessings flow

Yes. I survived the scalpel procedure. But only for two bits before my knees buckled. James very kindly agreed to come back next week to deal with the other bits and the granuloma that has developed.

Your continued prayers are most appreciated. Please pray for Jack who is having an extremely busy time at work to meet deadlines. It is a different type of stress when he comes home and he's not had much personal time to exercise at the gym or relax. Please pray for sound sleep for both of us. I am pleased to report that I felt great for a couple of days after I was able to sleep through the whole night for several days, but that didn't last :(

Surprise visitor: A Long time friend from Hong Kong managed to find his way from London Heathrow airport to my doorstep in Top sham WITHOUT A SAT NAV! Well done! He was on his way to visit family in Bide ford, North Devon. After some catching-up chat over coffee and brownies, I asked him if there's anywhere he'll like to visit whilst in this part of town.  His eyes lit up, and with a wide grin on his face, very promptly said - yes! I'll like to meet Branson! :) awwwww bless!

Mademoiselle: As my stoma nurse (yes! Robbie Williams look-alike!) writes in his report - "... Emily is managing (her stoma) much more confidently" (thanks to rubber gloves!), however, I still struggled with one issue - smell. I am constantly spraying the house with air freshener. Jack says it's "in my nose". I think he's being polite. To help me overcome the feeling that I am taking "the smell" (of the contents from my stoma bag), my dear husband splurged on a bottle of eau de parfum - something sweet and lasting (but not pungent). A little squirt of the fragrance after my morning shower lasts all day :)

Snapshot of my tongue: Bless my mum (in Singapore). She's desperate to help me recuperate before the onslaught of chemotherapy. She's persuaded me to try some Chinese tonic. For those unfamiliar with TCM, the condition of one's tongue reveals the state of one's health. Mum assured me that no preparation will be required - the tonic will come in powder form, to be mixed with warm water for consumption. Thank goodness! Otherwise, Jack will be overwhelmed by the smell and move to a nearby B&B if I have to brew the tonic! The following are comments from my brother-in-law after reviewing my photos:

"It was very smart of you to forward 2 photos, one a full facial shot and another close up of your tongue.  Your full facial shot tells me that you are indeed very weak.  There was lesser intelligence in your eyes, your tongue was pale and your skin lost its usual glow.  These are signs of qi dissipation and needs to be addressed immediately. Fortunately, there appeared little "dampness" in your body, but there is obvious heat in your heart or cardio-hematological system as well as the gastro-intestinal system.  So there is also a need to stabilize your GI system as well."

I had tears in my eye from laughing, and from the pain caused by laughing! Thanks, bro ... the last thing I am worried about now is "intelligence" (or a lack of)! Bless him.  He is a qualified Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) practitioner a.k.a "Chinese doctor" in Singapore. He is a corporate employee by day and spends two evenings a week treating oncology patients!

THREE emails from me this week - am I feeling great or what? :) Indeed. Here's wishing you a fabulous weekend! Till my next entry..

The ex-Blood Donor

Coming from a traditional (and conservative) Chinese background, we were encouraged to help others in need in all ways possible, except in the form of blood donations. If ever, it should only be considered for a member of the immediate family. In the late 1980s when my father needed surgery in Singapore, family members were asked by the hospital to donate blood towards his surgery. If a family member is unable to do so, they are encouraged to get their friends to do so in their place. I can't remember for certain but I think the reason was because the blood bank in Singapore was experiencing an extremely low stock. Since making my first blood donation for my father, I have been a regular donor for my entire stay in Hong Kong. I used to threaten to make a withdrawal from the blood bank whenever I encountered a difficult or agonizing problem at work! A year ago in Topsham where we now live in the UK, I came across a sandwich board outside the local Matthew's (town) Hall, with an invitation to enter and give blood. I did. And since then, they have been sending me regular invitations ahead of the NHS team's visit to Topsham. I received an invitation last week and so I thought I'll give them a call (No! Not to make a withdrawal!) So my slot can be assigned to someone else. The conversation with the NHS Blood & Transplant receptionist, Kate, went like this: -

E: I'm calling to let you know I won't be able to make the upcoming donation session. I'm due some chemotherapy in April, so I reckon I'll be able to do so by autumn. Please keep posted.
K: Silence.
E: Hello?
K: err ... What is your treatment for?
E: Colon cancer.
K: err ... Mrs. Emily. I'm very sorry hear that you've been diagnosed with cancer. In that case, we will not be able to take your blood.
E: For how long?
K: We won't.
E: Not ever?
K: Correct. Even after your course of treatment, the disease may still exist in your blood and it is not safe to give your blood to another patient, who may be sick (and unable to fight the disease). Unless the rules (?) change, we'll have to take you off our register.
E: (feeling totally rejected [and embarrassed that I didn't have the common sense to figure THAT myself] and with a pout) ok...

After I put the phone down, it finally dawned on me - that I’d never be (treated) the same again. I am now under the protection of the Disability Discrimination Act (to put it nicely). Apparently, I have to inform our car and travel insurance underwriters because I am now classified as a Disabled individual :( Hmmm ... might I qualify for a blue label then? (A 'blue label' on your car windscreen allow you to park free in most restricted areas and with designated lots near building entrances!) (Wishful thinking...)

It’s me again

Thank you to all who responded to my last entry by sending me email with suggestions of recipes, books, remedies and concoctions. I promise I am reviewing every suggestion one by one to test for suitability. Thank you very much!

And for those who enquired about what a Goldilocks and the Three Bears chair look like - well, it was my way of description and I'm sure those who tried to look it up on the furniture books won't have a clue.  Please find the photo of my chair :)

Walking (a question of exercise): Walking is made a lot harder in the cold winds. I cringe when I feel a cold gust in my face and my whole back just tense up. Not to mention that the vibration from each little step travels up to the sore spot :( Jack has to make up all sorts of excuses and reasons to get me out of the house. One day, Jack had left my library books in Bubble (our little silver Audi TT), which was parked on The Strand near the museum. We had to get the books and return them before the library (located a bit further at the other end of town) closed that day (I hate fines). And then double back to the Co-Op for a loaf of WHITE bread on our way home. Guess what? It was so windy; we both jumped in the car and drove through town to complete those errands!

Crowning glory: I meant to, but never got round to getting a haircut before my surgery. The reflection on my mirror (especially first thing in the morning) reminds me of a gutter-rat! However, after some reading on chemotherapy, I've decided to postpone a much-needed haircut till after the initial few chemo cycles. Although they say I am unlikely to lose my crowning glory, knowing my luck and how abnormal my system can be, I should hate to see a good GBP30 haircut ruined...

"Robbie Williams": Since coming home, my most regular visitor (THREE times!) has been my stoma nurse, James Jewel. James is making another visit tomorrow to scalpel off some stitches that are showing up around my stoma (the stitches usually dissolve when in the flesh, but these have surfaced and hardened. Removing them is essential so they don't cause scratching vibes around stoma!). James has been really patient and helped change my supply (of stoma bags) to something with a more comfortable sticky. If I don't pass out during the scalpel procedure, I should reward him with a cup of tea and a piece of my infamous brownie! And yes, he looks like Robbie Williams!!! :)

The 6 Nations rugby has provided some entertainment but utterly disappointing results so far. I can't bear to watch this weekend's France vs. England game ... So glad that the Formula 1 Grand Prix season has started!

Something more fun :)

Apologies to those who have not been formally introduced to Branson. Please see attached.

The following are a few amusing incidents that happened over the last week or so:

Brief Mission - My parents-in-law were marvelous when they were baby-sitting me last week. Not only did they rose up to the responsibility and challenges of watching over an individual who's not used to sitting still, they managed to accomplish a very important Brief Mission. Coming from the hospital with a horizontal (so called 'bikini line') wound from the operation and a stoma bag to consider, no normal young lady's underwear would accommodate the 'bulk'. After having done the amount of trawling online for suitable underwear, I think it is safe to say there are no size 8 grannies. Yeap. The sort of underwear that would comfortably avoid pressure on the wound and offer some support to the stoma bag is, unfortunately, the full briefs that grannies wear. Bless my mum-in-law who managed to secure the one and only 5-a-pack from the Exeter High Street M&S! Well done!

House Call - Apart from learning that I take 3 times longer (than an average patient) to come around from the same dose of anesthesia, I also learnt that I have a delicate stomach. The anti-inflammatory tablet I was prescribed was causing me increasing pain as the week progressed. While the pain from the wound is kept at bay, the discomfort in my stomach grew each day. Following two sleepless nights and nausea, Jack put his foot down and made a call to our local GP. Dr Turner very kindly agreed to make a house call, but only after he has finished with his day clinic. As the surgery is located nearby, he asked for the exact location of our house so he can come on his bike. What seemed like ages later, with my sleepy head under Branson, I heard a loud VRRROOOOM! Hey Presto! It's Dr Turner turning up for the house call on his super (motor) bike! And my mum-in-law thought he was coming on a pushbike!

2 men and 6 trips - to get a prescription from the local chemist. Yes. After Dr Turner left, both my father-in-law and Jack hurried to put on their coats to brave the cold winds to the local chemist before closing time (for a small town, closing time can be anything from 3PM). Soon after I heard the door shut, my mother-in-law walked into my bedroom waving a little green slip - yeap! The prescription. Mum called Jack's mobile but there was no answer. About 15 min later, the front door flew open. Mum hurried out and handed the slip to Jack. No need for any communication. It was understood. Shhhhhhh. About half an hour later, both men returned with bags full of food from the local green grocer's and biscuits (for my in-between snacking) from Arthur the butcher (apparently, the local Co-Op does NOT stock simple items like Jacob's cream crackers!). Before the shopping could be emptied, my father-in-law, arms in the air, hurried off to get his coat on again. Mum and I stared at each other, not knowing what as happening ... It seems like they have both forgotten to make their way home via the chemist to collect the prescription! I am most grateful to them, especially for making me laugh amidst the presence of pain. Bless them both :)

Now, please tell me you're smiling.

It’s been sunny in the Southwest

... but I'm afraid I haven't good news Bad news is always difficult to deliver, thus the delay in sharing this. Last Wednesday, the Nurse Specialist informed us that:
. All the cancer-affected bits have been removed from my body (hooray!)
. Out of the 29 lymph nodes removed, 9 had cancer :(
. Anything from 6 to 9 cycles of chemotherapy is highly recommended from April

My first appointment with the chemo specialist is scheduled for 1st April (I'm still hoping it's a joke!). Between now and then, I have to work very hard to gain my strength back. This 'task' is very challenging with stoma to consider. In order to avoid blockage problems, the list of food to avoid is about everything I usually eat on a daily basis i.e. granary bread, peas, and any high fiber fruit and vegetable you can think of. I can't remember when was the last time I had a slice of WHITE bread ... now, that is all I can have :( We learnt the hard way that crunchy carrots are also on the list of foods to avoid! We recently invested in a MagiMix food processor in anticipation of all the yummy soups we can churn out. Unfortunately, I'm struggling psychologically with the limited veg range of puree-like baby food because I want to feel normal by eating food I can actually chew :(

Although the Nurse assured me that chemotherapy has come a long way and is now tailored to the individual, it IS down to the individual's body (thanks!). Jack is devastated that I have to go through chemo. Please continue to keep us in your prayers - for physical and mental strength, as THIS is the real test of our faith. The surgery was peanuts!

Till my next update ...

I’m Home :) con't...

Wed 23rd Feb - Dr Ian Daniels shakes my hand and tells me to remember to give him the money when he walks into the bank with a gun. Conserved my energy for the big walk from Ward to car when Jack came to get me at 4:00PM. In-laws welcomed me home with a Goldilocks-&-the-3-bears chair (so I can sit in the sun on a fine day and read by the window).

Thurs 24th Feb - Lie in till 11am. District nurse visited and observed my stoma care ritual. Rained all day so no attempt made to venture out for a walk. All meals cooked and served up timely by Jack.

Fri 25th Feb - Took my first long walk from the house towards The Goat Walk and back. No panting. Good to fill my lungs with fresh air albeit cold.

Next week, I will be informed if chemo is recommended. If no further treatment is required, I will have a scan in four weeks to see if colon has healed well, and for the surgeon to decide if a reversal of the stoma is to take place.

Again, I am astonished at the number of replies I received after my initial "I'm sick" email.  Jack and I would like to sincerely thank everyone who made time from your busy schedules to pray for us.  Your prayers gave us the strength to see us through the two weeks up to the surgery and last week. We feel very blessed to have all your support in prayer, phone calls, text messages, emails, e-cards and post.

Till my next update, please stay in touch. :)

I’m Home :) con't...

Sun 21st Feb - Finally gave in to have a wash by the bed assisted by a nurse. Managed to get my mum on the phone and let her in the loop for the first time (you know what they say - parents are the last to know). Brother-in-law visits straight from ski trip in Chamonix. Continue to send incoherent text messages in an attempt to inform/reply. Desperate to get on with my reading. Decided to ease off the morphine to clear my head.

Mon 22nd Feb - Side effects of morphine set in - MASSIVE headache that was to last till Wed. Two draining tubes and the catheter were removed - yah! Freedom! First shampoo and shower. Spent most of the day with head under a pillow in pain. The noise generated by the non-stop activities in the Ward seemed amplified and unbearable. HSBC Exeter St Thomas colleagues Sue Willis, Matt Whale and Kate Williams dropped in at different times of the day. Experienced post-op trauma by way of nightmares and jerking in my sleep. Getting out of bed several times a night to use the loo is exhausting.